Randy got back to me today and said that everyone at WOL is happy to have me there in May.
Praise the Lord.
Listen guys, this past week and for the next to weeks I have and will be working for my dad renovating a house.
Its hard work, but the hardest part is the warfare that comes with it all.
I'll be straight up with you.
For the last week I've not ben sleeping well, meaning I'm tired during the long days working. Being that tired makes me grouchy and I find myself with a very quick temper. This is usually taken out on my family, the only people I've been spending time with really. My family are not Christians and their attitudes, language, outlooks etc. really quickly rub off on me and leave me feeling very worldly.
On top of all of this, Satan is attacking me constantly with very personal and hurtful things.
I need your prayers.
I don't need your prayers so that I can feel better and have pleasant days. I need your prayers because my current circumstances are making it very difficult to spend time with the Lord, which in turn stops me from doing important things for the Lord that He has put on my heart to do.
There are projects I need to get done for Cambodia, prayers to offered to the Lord, many things to be done, and they are all being slowed down or stopped by this intense warfare.
Please, please be praying for me, for the sake of the lost.
Please pray for strength, will power, motivation and rest.
Most importantly pray that I will be learn to be faithful to the Lord no matter what my circumstances may be.
You are all such a huge blessing and I really do thank the Lord for your support in prayer.
God is going to do big things this year, and I can't wait to find out what those things are.
Please, leave me some comments, tell me some of the cool things He has been showing you, tell me about some great things He is already doing!
Monday, January 31, 2011
Friday, January 28, 2011
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Prayer Requests
Just yesterday I commited to going to Cambodia, and already I can feel this sudden warfare rising up.
I won't lie, today has been hard.
Not horrible, but since I woke up I've had a really bad headache, worse than I've had for a very long time. Its helped to keep me in a rotten mood all day, not wanting to do anything or be around anyone here. I sat down to spend time with the Lord but had a hard time of it, not really feeling His presence and feeling a bit out of it. And of course there is the usual family stuff.
Being the only believer in my family causes a lot of tension, and its the biggest area that Satan uses against me.
But, despite the negative things about the day, and the difficulties, the Lord gave me a great verse this morning:
"They will fight against you, but they shall not prevail against you. For I am with you," says the Lord, "to deliver you." --Jeremiah 1:19
Definitely encouraging. I'm expecting a lot of opposition, which comes in odd ways, ways completely unrelated to the trip, as well as related to it, but I know that the enemy wont prevail and wont stop me from going to Cambodia. Only the Lord will stop me if its His will and I have no problem with that.
So I ask for your prayers, that the Lord will help me to not let my emotions get in the way, that I will have patience, grace and love for my family, and that I will continually make the Lord my joy and my strength, being diligent to seek Him.
And please, please continue to pray for precious Cambodia.
Our God loves those people so very much and is yearning for their hearts.
I encourage you to pray for the nations.
It has been such an amazing experience just looking up information and learning about an individual country, finding out its past, its culture, its problems and good points, even its weather and landscape, and just being able to pray specifically for the nation's needs.
If God sparks in you an interest for a certain country, then research it and see how you can better keep the people of that country in prayer!
I guarantee you will find yourself greatly blessed.
I love you all and am so thankful for your prayers and that you've taken time to read my muddled posts.
God Bless each of you.
Friday, January 21, 2011
"Go therefore..."
I met with Ed today, to ask his opinions and for any guidance or wisdom he might have, concerning Cambodia.
The conversation was the cherry on the cake.
I've been waiting to hear answers and to be sure about going on the trip, from God, but Ed reminded me that so often we look for answers before we will allow ourselves to trust. But trust isn't trust when you know things for certain. So I'm taking a step of faith and fully commiting to this trip.
If I get half way there and God pulls a Macedonia on me, then so be it, but whatever happens it will be His will.
I'm waiting to hear back from Randy to make sure the timing is right for him, but I see no reason why it wont be.
Of course, Ed also reminded me that, now that I'm commited to this trip, all Hell might just break loose trying to stop it from happening, so please keep me in prayer when you can. But even moreso, please keep Cambodia in prayer. The country, its people, the ministry out there, the missionaries...
You don't have to go out to the missions field to be a part of the ministry. Prayer is the most powerful weapon we have against the Enemy, so please take part in God's work. Its so easy to just say a few words to God and ask for His will to be done in the world.
Thank you guys.
You're a huge blessing.
The conversation was the cherry on the cake.
I've been waiting to hear answers and to be sure about going on the trip, from God, but Ed reminded me that so often we look for answers before we will allow ourselves to trust. But trust isn't trust when you know things for certain. So I'm taking a step of faith and fully commiting to this trip.
If I get half way there and God pulls a Macedonia on me, then so be it, but whatever happens it will be His will.
I'm waiting to hear back from Randy to make sure the timing is right for him, but I see no reason why it wont be.
Of course, Ed also reminded me that, now that I'm commited to this trip, all Hell might just break loose trying to stop it from happening, so please keep me in prayer when you can. But even moreso, please keep Cambodia in prayer. The country, its people, the ministry out there, the missionaries...
You don't have to go out to the missions field to be a part of the ministry. Prayer is the most powerful weapon we have against the Enemy, so please take part in God's work. Its so easy to just say a few words to God and ask for His will to be done in the world.
Thank you guys.
You're a huge blessing.
Thursday, January 20, 2011
!!!
Sorry, yes, another update on the same day, but I was looking at the Cambodia visa requirements which seem like the most simple thing in the world, especially compared to the monstrous task of trying to get a visa to the USA in 2008!!
And THEN I looked up studying in Spain (Mallorca campus) and visas are NOT required for European Union passport holders (that's me!) REGARDLESS of purpose and/or length of stay in Spain!
I told my mum and expressed how refreshingly simple it all was compared to previous experiences, and even she (the atheist) put on a curious tone of voice and said "hmmm, sort of makes you think that maybe it was...meant to be." !!
I've sent a message to Randy this evening, to make sure May through August is a good time for them to have me there, so really I'm just waiting on that...
I decided it would be wise to talk to someone in a position of spiritual authority about the Cambodia trip, and who better to talk to that Ed Major, who has been a missionary for a long time in various places.
Its always good to seek a bit of extra wisdom, right? :)
This life is an exciting one....
And THEN I looked up studying in Spain (Mallorca campus) and visas are NOT required for European Union passport holders (that's me!) REGARDLESS of purpose and/or length of stay in Spain!
I told my mum and expressed how refreshingly simple it all was compared to previous experiences, and even she (the atheist) put on a curious tone of voice and said "hmmm, sort of makes you think that maybe it was...meant to be." !!
I've sent a message to Randy this evening, to make sure May through August is a good time for them to have me there, so really I'm just waiting on that...
I decided it would be wise to talk to someone in a position of spiritual authority about the Cambodia trip, and who better to talk to that Ed Major, who has been a missionary for a long time in various places.
Its always good to seek a bit of extra wisdom, right? :)
This life is an exciting one....
Answers
Last Monday we had my Grandmother's funeral, which sort of put this hectic season to rest.
Finally, today I was able to talk to my parents about my plans this year and what was going to happen.
Its always difficult when your family aren't Christians, because they wont settle with "Well, I'm not going to plan anything, just let God lead!"
Especially my Father. He is a very business-minded man. Intelligent, organized...he requires a lot, and expects his children to learn to think like him, think for ourselves. He wants to see us make decisions based on reasoning and careful consideration, and follow through with detailed planning.
This is something I've always admired about him, and yet, as I mentioned, it gets hard when you just want the Lord to figure things out.
So today we talked and have come to this conclusion..this....plan:
There are going to be three parts to this year--
1. Find a full-time or multiple part-time jobs, work hard until May, earning roughly $7500
2. May-August go to Cambodia
3. Return and go straight to Bible College in Mallorca for a final semester (ends Dec)
God might change those plans up a bit, but I think he has allowed my parents to want this plan set out for a reason. Until now I've sort of been in limbo, not knowing quite what to do or what was and wasn't set in stone, and I've been praying for some answers. I believe that, at least for now, this is the answer God has given me.
So unless the Lord decides to very suddenly change things...it looks like I'm going to Cambodia.
Now, really, the only thing that this year depends on is me getting a full-time job.
Please pray that the Lord will provide me with one that I will be able to carry out in His joy. That doesn't necessarily mean getting one that I am super happy about doing, but just that He will give me the right attitude and a servants heart. I have a feeling--considering all the ways He's worked things out so far--that the job I get might just be perfect for preparing me to be a better servant on the missions field.
My biggest prayer for myself this year is that He will rid me of my selfishness and give me a servants heart.
Thank you for your prayers.
Finally, today I was able to talk to my parents about my plans this year and what was going to happen.
Its always difficult when your family aren't Christians, because they wont settle with "Well, I'm not going to plan anything, just let God lead!"
Especially my Father. He is a very business-minded man. Intelligent, organized...he requires a lot, and expects his children to learn to think like him, think for ourselves. He wants to see us make decisions based on reasoning and careful consideration, and follow through with detailed planning.
This is something I've always admired about him, and yet, as I mentioned, it gets hard when you just want the Lord to figure things out.
So today we talked and have come to this conclusion..this....plan:
There are going to be three parts to this year--
1. Find a full-time or multiple part-time jobs, work hard until May, earning roughly $7500
2. May-August go to Cambodia
3. Return and go straight to Bible College in Mallorca for a final semester (ends Dec)
God might change those plans up a bit, but I think he has allowed my parents to want this plan set out for a reason. Until now I've sort of been in limbo, not knowing quite what to do or what was and wasn't set in stone, and I've been praying for some answers. I believe that, at least for now, this is the answer God has given me.
So unless the Lord decides to very suddenly change things...it looks like I'm going to Cambodia.
Now, really, the only thing that this year depends on is me getting a full-time job.
Please pray that the Lord will provide me with one that I will be able to carry out in His joy. That doesn't necessarily mean getting one that I am super happy about doing, but just that He will give me the right attitude and a servants heart. I have a feeling--considering all the ways He's worked things out so far--that the job I get might just be perfect for preparing me to be a better servant on the missions field.
My biggest prayer for myself this year is that He will rid me of my selfishness and give me a servants heart.
Thank you for your prayers.
Monday, January 17, 2011
My heart just melted...
This post is a bit of a random one...but...I was looking, this evening, at some pictures of one of the girls' experience in Cambodia...seeing all the faces, some with huge smiles, some that made me almost cry. My heart just breaks for some of those people. They need the Lord so badly. I'm just...dying to go out there and be used. I have the money (or will soon), I have the time. I don't know any reason not to go out there for a while.
Of course...God does (if there is a reason), and if not, I know He will be faithful to get me there and to keep me close to Him so He can be glorified through my actions for Him.
And my heart breaks, but it also rejoices for all those who have found Jesus, and all those precious saints who spend all their time and energy pouring into those people.
I love seeing pictures of beautiful little faces with huge smiles, and children with severe TB praising the Lord and having joy despite everything!
My goodness....I look at the people in this coutry--in England--and they have everything, but they're miserable.
I know that they need Jesus too, but sometimes I think it would be so much easier for them to find Him if they would let go of all their....stuff.
Maybe if I let go of some of my "stuff" I would find it a bit easier to see the Lord.
You know, often I look at those people who just sold everything they had and went off to serve the Lord, and I think they're a bit extreme or a bit crazy, and think of how unnecessary it would be for me to do something like that, because I "need a laptop and phone for communication with friends God has given me" (whatever), things like that. But I mean, I think sometimes we underestimate our God.
Okay, I know that God definitely provides certain people with certain things for certain reasons. Like that guy I learned about in Church History (gosh, can't remember his name), who was really rich and had a big business, but about 90% of his earnings went to missions, and only 10% he kept for himself. So I'm not saying that we should all just drop everything and live in rags and ruin, but...I think we should all try to have a much looser grip on our possessions.
If you really think about it, God has-in one way or another-been the one to give us everything we have (yes, even your macbook pro that you worked your butt off to pay for), and so really everything we have is His, we don't own it. He's given things to us to use for His glory...everything...(yes, everything--if you have something you shouldn't have then you can glorify Him by getting rid of it, for all you that like to dig around in my words and be finicky about things) ;)
I just...pray that God will teach me to use all that I have to glorify Him, and help me to get rid of the things I don't need, that just clutter my life and my mind.
I look at Brother Lawrence, and how he kept his way of life so simple that there was little for him to focus on but the Lord. And man did he have a good relationship with God! :)
Anyway...that came out of nowhere but...that's God sometimes right? :)
Cambodia is in my heart always, whether I go there or not.
God is so faithful.
Of course...God does (if there is a reason), and if not, I know He will be faithful to get me there and to keep me close to Him so He can be glorified through my actions for Him.
And my heart breaks, but it also rejoices for all those who have found Jesus, and all those precious saints who spend all their time and energy pouring into those people.
I love seeing pictures of beautiful little faces with huge smiles, and children with severe TB praising the Lord and having joy despite everything!
My goodness....I look at the people in this coutry--in England--and they have everything, but they're miserable.
I know that they need Jesus too, but sometimes I think it would be so much easier for them to find Him if they would let go of all their....stuff.
Maybe if I let go of some of my "stuff" I would find it a bit easier to see the Lord.
You know, often I look at those people who just sold everything they had and went off to serve the Lord, and I think they're a bit extreme or a bit crazy, and think of how unnecessary it would be for me to do something like that, because I "need a laptop and phone for communication with friends God has given me" (whatever), things like that. But I mean, I think sometimes we underestimate our God.
Okay, I know that God definitely provides certain people with certain things for certain reasons. Like that guy I learned about in Church History (gosh, can't remember his name), who was really rich and had a big business, but about 90% of his earnings went to missions, and only 10% he kept for himself. So I'm not saying that we should all just drop everything and live in rags and ruin, but...I think we should all try to have a much looser grip on our possessions.
If you really think about it, God has-in one way or another-been the one to give us everything we have (yes, even your macbook pro that you worked your butt off to pay for), and so really everything we have is His, we don't own it. He's given things to us to use for His glory...everything...(yes, everything--if you have something you shouldn't have then you can glorify Him by getting rid of it, for all you that like to dig around in my words and be finicky about things) ;)
I just...pray that God will teach me to use all that I have to glorify Him, and help me to get rid of the things I don't need, that just clutter my life and my mind.
I look at Brother Lawrence, and how he kept his way of life so simple that there was little for him to focus on but the Lord. And man did he have a good relationship with God! :)
Anyway...that came out of nowhere but...that's God sometimes right? :)
Cambodia is in my heart always, whether I go there or not.
God is so faithful.
Saturday, January 15, 2011
"Woe is me, that I dwell in Meshech, that I dwell among the tents of Kedar! My soul has dwelt too long with one who hates peace. I am for peace; but when I speak, they are for war." -Ps.120:5-7
This is the one and only verse the Lord gave me this morning.
I was sitting on my bed, praying for the precious country that He has laid so strongly on my heart, and thinking of how joyful its people are. And how peaceful my heart feels when I think of them. I thought of how we're supposed to be peaceful people, not bringers of strife (Eph.4:2), and how much my unsaved family seems so obsessed with arguing and anger and bitterness. Its hard being around them almost 24/7--they rub off on me and make me so negative and argumentative.
Then He gave me this verse.
And I know that we are called to be lights in dark places such as these, but I also know that it is spiritually healthy to get away from these places and have our souls refreshed--have some positive input.
I know He's going to take me somewhere this year, to get away for a while and grow closer and closer to Him. I don't know if that somewhere is Cambodia, bible college in Spain, or somewhere completely different, but I'm excited to get deeper and deeper in my relationship with the Lord.
He's so inexpressibly good to me.
This is the one and only verse the Lord gave me this morning.
I was sitting on my bed, praying for the precious country that He has laid so strongly on my heart, and thinking of how joyful its people are. And how peaceful my heart feels when I think of them. I thought of how we're supposed to be peaceful people, not bringers of strife (Eph.4:2), and how much my unsaved family seems so obsessed with arguing and anger and bitterness. Its hard being around them almost 24/7--they rub off on me and make me so negative and argumentative.
Then He gave me this verse.
And I know that we are called to be lights in dark places such as these, but I also know that it is spiritually healthy to get away from these places and have our souls refreshed--have some positive input.
I know He's going to take me somewhere this year, to get away for a while and grow closer and closer to Him. I don't know if that somewhere is Cambodia, bible college in Spain, or somewhere completely different, but I'm excited to get deeper and deeper in my relationship with the Lord.
He's so inexpressibly good to me.
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Blow my mind...
Yesterday I spent extra time throughout my day just stopping and sitting still and praying for Cambodia, for its people, for the missionaries out there, for the Water Of Life ministry, for children.
This morning I was encouraged again to pray more and more for the country and for spiritual revival; for salvation. And the Lord showed me this verse...
"I will bring the blind by a way they did not know,
I will lead them in paths they have not known.
I will make darkness light before them,
and the crooked places straight.
These things I will do for them and not forsake them."
-Isaiah 42:16
This is His promise to you Cambodia.
His promises never fail.
This morning I was encouraged again to pray more and more for the country and for spiritual revival; for salvation. And the Lord showed me this verse...
"I will bring the blind by a way they did not know,
I will lead them in paths they have not known.
I will make darkness light before them,
and the crooked places straight.
These things I will do for them and not forsake them."
-Isaiah 42:16
This is His promise to you Cambodia.
His promises never fail.
Monday, January 10, 2011
Peace
There is so much to say on this blog.
But I suppose I've missed out some of the most important things so far.
Looking at this blog, it seems like this trip..this whole Cambodia thing...is something that I'm getting crazy excited about and am super into.
And I suppose to some extents, yes, I am very excited and I am very interested, but at the same time, Cambodia is not the only thing right now.
Here is the sort of complicated deal:
I was planning on applying to college in the States in Fall '11, and that was dependent on my getting good Bible College grades this past semester.
This past semester I didn't do as well as I intended, so now I have to do another full-time semester to graduate, which means I have to push US college back a year to 2012.
I don't want to do another semester at York because I want to go somewhere where I can really be away from the world, and I've always wanted to go to the Spain campus.
My dad doesn't have a job right now and can't pay for me to go there, but I just inherited £5000 from my Grandma.
I could go this Spring except I can't get the money from my Grandma until all the rest of her legal stuff is sorted, which could be a couple of months, and the semester starts in a couple of weeks.
SO...if I can't get to Spain this semester and I don't want to do another semester at York, then the other option is to wait until I get the money, then use it to go to Cambodia for a few months and maybe go to Spain in the Fall.
I suppose it seems like the obvious thing and only option is Cambodia, but you never know what God might do in a short time, so I'm leaving it open to Him.
And for the first time I sort of feel like I have a couple of open doors that God is giving me the choice in which one to take.
The funny thing is, I'm sort of leaving it up to Him for the first time, and I feel completely at peace with whatever He wants me to do, whether that's going to Cambodia, going to Spain, or just staying right here in York and working a bit or something...
Its amazing what God can do in a matter of days, when you finally submit your heart to Him and purpose in your heart to obey.
But I suppose I've missed out some of the most important things so far.
Looking at this blog, it seems like this trip..this whole Cambodia thing...is something that I'm getting crazy excited about and am super into.
And I suppose to some extents, yes, I am very excited and I am very interested, but at the same time, Cambodia is not the only thing right now.
Here is the sort of complicated deal:
I was planning on applying to college in the States in Fall '11, and that was dependent on my getting good Bible College grades this past semester.This past semester I didn't do as well as I intended, so now I have to do another full-time semester to graduate, which means I have to push US college back a year to 2012.
I don't want to do another semester at York because I want to go somewhere where I can really be away from the world, and I've always wanted to go to the Spain campus.
My dad doesn't have a job right now and can't pay for me to go there, but I just inherited £5000 from my Grandma.
I could go this Spring except I can't get the money from my Grandma until all the rest of her legal stuff is sorted, which could be a couple of months, and the semester starts in a couple of weeks.
SO...if I can't get to Spain this semester and I don't want to do another semester at York, then the other option is to wait until I get the money, then use it to go to Cambodia for a few months and maybe go to Spain in the Fall.
I suppose it seems like the obvious thing and only option is Cambodia, but you never know what God might do in a short time, so I'm leaving it open to Him.
And for the first time I sort of feel like I have a couple of open doors that God is giving me the choice in which one to take.
The funny thing is, I'm sort of leaving it up to Him for the first time, and I feel completely at peace with whatever He wants me to do, whether that's going to Cambodia, going to Spain, or just staying right here in York and working a bit or something...
Its amazing what God can do in a matter of days, when you finally submit your heart to Him and purpose in your heart to obey.
Two Fast 1/9/11
No, I'm not bad at grammar.Two Fast.
One: this is all moving very very fast. BUT, the Lord used Erin today to encourage me that this was Him, because of something I didn't know...that according to Oswald Chambers (a realiable source in my opinion), "the Spirit moves fast, and its hard for us to keep up because we get tangled up in ourselves, but when we really get tuned in, things can go at lightning speed."
Two: I talked for a long time with Amanda today (someone whom I've never really had a serious conversation with before, but was very blessed in doing so) and she brought up the idea of fasting. Fasting is something I've found a difficult subject in the past because I couldn't quite wrap my head around it, but I think people tend to overcomplicate it. Its just denying your flesh something that it is used to having to spend time with the Lord in prayer, showing Him that you want something enough that you'll sacrifice your fleshly desires for Him.
I'm waiting for a clear answer from Him, but maybe I should spend time fasting, really seeking Him with my whole heart.
We'll see I guess... :)
Sunday, January 9, 2011
Devotions 1/8/11
"that you walk worthy of God who calls you into His own kingdom and glory"
"with all lowliness and gentleness, with longsuffering, bearing with one another in love, endeavoring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace"
"that you [are] enriched in everything by Him in all utterance and all knowledge, even as the testimony of Christ was confirmed in you, so that you come short in no gift, eagerly waiting for the revelation of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is faithful, by whom you were called into the fellowship of His Son, Jesus Christ our Lord."
Lord, the messages from Laz, and especially from Randy this morning were so encouraging! My heart just feels so moved.
I told them I have no particular gifts or talents but just was willing to serve in whatever way needed.
Randy talked about just sitting with the children and spending time with them, sharing with them, not needing skills and talents, just love for God's children. That goes straight along with 1Cor13.
"though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all wisdom and all knowledge, and though I have faith so that I could move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing" (v.2)
Its all about that love Father. And my desire to serve those people is getting stronger, but please continue to purify my selfish heart and my motives.
Help me to want to try because I love you, not because of Cambodia.
************
Notes:
-Today I decided to do Ed's missions class project but for Cambodia!
"with all lowliness and gentleness, with longsuffering, bearing with one another in love, endeavoring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace"
"that you [are] enriched in everything by Him in all utterance and all knowledge, even as the testimony of Christ was confirmed in you, so that you come short in no gift, eagerly waiting for the revelation of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is faithful, by whom you were called into the fellowship of His Son, Jesus Christ our Lord."
Lord, the messages from Laz, and especially from Randy this morning were so encouraging! My heart just feels so moved.
I told them I have no particular gifts or talents but just was willing to serve in whatever way needed.
Randy talked about just sitting with the children and spending time with them, sharing with them, not needing skills and talents, just love for God's children. That goes straight along with 1Cor13.
"though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all wisdom and all knowledge, and though I have faith so that I could move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing" (v.2)
Its all about that love Father. And my desire to serve those people is getting stronger, but please continue to purify my selfish heart and my motives.
Help me to want to try because I love you, not because of Cambodia.
************
Notes:
-Today I decided to do Ed's missions class project but for Cambodia!
Provision 1/7/11 Midnight
Wow...I decided to trust in You to provide.
We thought she'd left us nothing.
She left me £5000.
And the strangest thing...I am totally at peace.
No fears of spending it on the wrong things.
No anxiety, no stress, no worry.
Just peace.
We thought she'd left us nothing.
She left me £5000.
And the strangest thing...I am totally at peace.
No fears of spending it on the wrong things.
No anxiety, no stress, no worry.
Just peace.
Youth Group and Jumbled Past 1/7/11
Today Dan (Rebekah's brother-in-law, pastor of CC Edinburgh) asked me to share my testimony at the Youth Group.
I suppose its Youth Club actually.
Not children from the church, but an outreach to the kids from the area. Boys and girls from about 11-14 come and just hang out for a couple of hours, then at around 7.30 one of the leaders shares something about God, the Bible, Jesus etc.
Now, I had no idea what this group of kids was going to be like, or whether they were saved, or how old they were, and so I asked a few questions then sat down with the Lord and asked what He wanted me to say. I figured my testimony is so long and complex so I should figure out what was relevant to them and their age group.
What answer did He give me?
"Just trust me"
"WHAT?!" my mind screams at Him. For some reason I was scared to death at the idea of sharing part of my life story with a few teenagers, and all He could say was wait.
What a trial.
But...I waited, and I trusted (well...the type of trust that has you biting your nails down til they bleed).
We got there, the time came, I....hm....babbled.
I don't know where I started or what I shared and it was all a jumble, but afterward all the leaders encouraged me that it was perfectly what those kids needed to hear.
God...you are one weird fella.
All glory to Him.
But after all of that, I stood in the doorway sipping tea, watching the kids run around and be crazy and hang out, and my heart just wanted to love on them, and to show them the real Jesus. To show them all the wonderful things about Him and how much He adores them. And then I saw those precious children in Cambodia and my heart longed to love on them too.
Yesterday I asked Him to give me a love for the people, and a desire to serve them.
I want to, I want to go and be with them and love on them and show them their Savior.
Lord, keep purifying my heart and my motives...
I suppose its Youth Club actually.
Not children from the church, but an outreach to the kids from the area. Boys and girls from about 11-14 come and just hang out for a couple of hours, then at around 7.30 one of the leaders shares something about God, the Bible, Jesus etc.
Now, I had no idea what this group of kids was going to be like, or whether they were saved, or how old they were, and so I asked a few questions then sat down with the Lord and asked what He wanted me to say. I figured my testimony is so long and complex so I should figure out what was relevant to them and their age group.
What answer did He give me?
"Just trust me"
"WHAT?!" my mind screams at Him. For some reason I was scared to death at the idea of sharing part of my life story with a few teenagers, and all He could say was wait.
What a trial.
But...I waited, and I trusted (well...the type of trust that has you biting your nails down til they bleed).
We got there, the time came, I....hm....babbled.
I don't know where I started or what I shared and it was all a jumble, but afterward all the leaders encouraged me that it was perfectly what those kids needed to hear.
God...you are one weird fella.
All glory to Him.
But after all of that, I stood in the doorway sipping tea, watching the kids run around and be crazy and hang out, and my heart just wanted to love on them, and to show them the real Jesus. To show them all the wonderful things about Him and how much He adores them. And then I saw those precious children in Cambodia and my heart longed to love on them too.
Yesterday I asked Him to give me a love for the people, and a desire to serve them.
I want to, I want to go and be with them and love on them and show them their Savior.
Lord, keep purifying my heart and my motives...
Late night or early morning? 1/6/11
Me and Bekah talked until almost 3am.
It was great.
We talked a lot about the reality of what it really is to rely upon the Lord, and about what it really means to love.
God spoke to me through the sound of my own voice.
I realized I know exactly how I should be loving people, but am not living it out. Its a hard thing to do.
Think a little...just...ponder what it means to love unconditionally.
To love having no expectations or desires to gain anything back in return, and regardless of the other person's responses, attitudes, morals or actions.
To love in boldness through complete selflessness, worry not of how a loving rebuke or correction might affect another's view or feeling toward ourselves.
To love with no motivation save that of glorifying our great God and Savior Christ Jesus, relying wholy on the provision of His strength and willpower to do so.
Look at your relationship with another.
What is its purpose?
How many times do you use the word "I" when talking about, with, or to that person?
Most of these posts are to the Lord, parts of my prayer journal to Him, but this one is for you, for the reader. Don't feel condemned, but be open to God's work in your heart and allow Him to reveal those things which hinder you from loving the way He does.
It was great.
We talked a lot about the reality of what it really is to rely upon the Lord, and about what it really means to love.
God spoke to me through the sound of my own voice.
I realized I know exactly how I should be loving people, but am not living it out. Its a hard thing to do.
Think a little...just...ponder what it means to love unconditionally.
To love having no expectations or desires to gain anything back in return, and regardless of the other person's responses, attitudes, morals or actions.
To love in boldness through complete selflessness, worry not of how a loving rebuke or correction might affect another's view or feeling toward ourselves.
To love with no motivation save that of glorifying our great God and Savior Christ Jesus, relying wholy on the provision of His strength and willpower to do so.
Look at your relationship with another.
What is its purpose?
How many times do you use the word "I" when talking about, with, or to that person?
Most of these posts are to the Lord, parts of my prayer journal to Him, but this one is for you, for the reader. Don't feel condemned, but be open to God's work in your heart and allow Him to reveal those things which hinder you from loving the way He does.
1/7/11 Early
Father, this morning I look out of the window at cold, gray Scotland, but instead of tarmac I see a dusty yellow road; instead of brick houses I see little huts slapped together with any material available...wood, pieces of cloth, tarps; instead of a woman with a dog and a cigarette I see a man with a rusty bicycle piled high with things he's trying to sell to earn just a little money to feed his family. And I want to be there. Maybe that isn't exactly how it is but I want to be there.
But I don't know who's desire that is...
I like the idea of walking around bustling markets in flipflops, getting to know the language, the culture, learning to blend in with the people.
I know its okay to like that, but I also feel that it might be stronger than my desire to love and serve the people there. Though I do want to want to have a great love for them, and I want to want to serve them.
Lord, search my heart, know my anxieties, see if there is any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. (ps139:23,24)
But I don't know who's desire that is...
I like the idea of walking around bustling markets in flipflops, getting to know the language, the culture, learning to blend in with the people.
I know its okay to like that, but I also feel that it might be stronger than my desire to love and serve the people there. Though I do want to want to have a great love for them, and I want to want to serve them.
Lord, search my heart, know my anxieties, see if there is any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. (ps139:23,24)
Walking Worthy 1/6/11 7.57am
1 Thessalonians 2:12
"that you would walk worthy of God who calls you into His own kingdom and glory."
Lord, this is my verse for this season. Please, make my motives right. Take my focus off myself and teach me to do everything for Your glory.
"that you would walk worthy of God who calls you into His own kingdom and glory."
Lord, this is my verse for this season. Please, make my motives right. Take my focus off myself and teach me to do everything for Your glory.
Little Sparks 1/5/11 (later)
I got off skype with Erin and sat there for a while thinking.
I realized something today Lord.
I realized I have too tight a grip on my own desires.
My first thought when Erin mentioned Cambodia was that it would get in the way of my plans for college in the States. But...my plans.
I know that it was you who gave me the desire to go to college out there, and asked me to prepare for it, and I did. I said I was open to you changing those plans, but I don't think I really was. I looked and saw it as the only way to finally get to the place I wanted to be, and got excited about actually having a career. But, I never used to be so consumed with that...with wanting a real job, a place in the world. I used to just want to be a missionary. Funny how that drifted away and seemed like such an unsavory thing to do.
So I loosened my grip Lord. And I think that I feel you moving.
Bekah and I watched a movie. I can't even remember which one, because close to the end I got this sudden tense feeling, and wanted so badly to start checking out things about Cambodia and the Water of Life center...
I'm almost scared to admit that you might be giving me a heart for this place but...I'll pray. I'm open to what you want Father. Just....lead me, but clearly. I'm useless at listening to you and not letting my own feelings get in the way.
I realized something today Lord.
I realized I have too tight a grip on my own desires.
My first thought when Erin mentioned Cambodia was that it would get in the way of my plans for college in the States. But...my plans.
I know that it was you who gave me the desire to go to college out there, and asked me to prepare for it, and I did. I said I was open to you changing those plans, but I don't think I really was. I looked and saw it as the only way to finally get to the place I wanted to be, and got excited about actually having a career. But, I never used to be so consumed with that...with wanting a real job, a place in the world. I used to just want to be a missionary. Funny how that drifted away and seemed like such an unsavory thing to do.
So I loosened my grip Lord. And I think that I feel you moving.
Bekah and I watched a movie. I can't even remember which one, because close to the end I got this sudden tense feeling, and wanted so badly to start checking out things about Cambodia and the Water of Life center...
I'm almost scared to admit that you might be giving me a heart for this place but...I'll pray. I'm open to what you want Father. Just....lead me, but clearly. I'm useless at listening to you and not letting my own feelings get in the way.
Flintface 1/5/11
Psalm 116:3-4, 7
"I found trouble and sorrow. Then I called upon the name of the Lord. Return to your rest, O my soul, for the Lord has dealt bountifully with you."
Isaiah 50:7
"For the Lord God will help me; Therefore I will not be disgraced; Therefore I have set my face like a flint, and I know that I will not be ashamed."
Help me try harder. I need you but I forget. I forget to seek you.
These weeks have been so hard, but in the trouble and sorrow I know I need to turn to YOU, and my soul doesn't have to be in turmoil, it can rest in you.
And when it rests in you, I can set my face like a flint toward you and you alone.
I'm purposing in my heart Lord, to follow you, and to obey.
You're too good to miss out on...
"I found trouble and sorrow. Then I called upon the name of the Lord. Return to your rest, O my soul, for the Lord has dealt bountifully with you."
Isaiah 50:7
"For the Lord God will help me; Therefore I will not be disgraced; Therefore I have set my face like a flint, and I know that I will not be ashamed."
Help me try harder. I need you but I forget. I forget to seek you.
These weeks have been so hard, but in the trouble and sorrow I know I need to turn to YOU, and my soul doesn't have to be in turmoil, it can rest in you.
And when it rests in you, I can set my face like a flint toward you and you alone.
I'm purposing in my heart Lord, to follow you, and to obey.
You're too good to miss out on...
The New Year
The New Year has come, and has already brought with it some truly amazing things.
Four days ago, while in Edinburgh, I talked to my friend Erin on skype. We talked a little about the future, and things like the negativity in England, and joy. Out of the blue she suggested I travel to Cambodia to work at the Water of Life Center, where she had recently been on a short-term missions trip.
The center is essentially and orphanage but the ministry also involves a weekly midwife clinic, two schools and many outreaches to smaller towns and villages around the capital city of Phnom Penh.
I decided to start this blog to document this incredible little journey God is taking me on.
I don't know whether He is leading me to Cambodia, but each day He does something amazing that I just have to write down and remember.
I've decided that if I go to Cambodia I will make this blog public, and encourage others to read it and see great ways in which our God works. And if not, then it will remain for me, myself and I, as a testimony of God's goodness and faithfulness in my life, and as a journal, reminding me of the joy and excitement He gave me through this time.
So...without further ado...I give you my walk to Cambodia :)
Four days ago, while in Edinburgh, I talked to my friend Erin on skype. We talked a little about the future, and things like the negativity in England, and joy. Out of the blue she suggested I travel to Cambodia to work at the Water of Life Center, where she had recently been on a short-term missions trip.
The center is essentially and orphanage but the ministry also involves a weekly midwife clinic, two schools and many outreaches to smaller towns and villages around the capital city of Phnom Penh.
I decided to start this blog to document this incredible little journey God is taking me on.
I don't know whether He is leading me to Cambodia, but each day He does something amazing that I just have to write down and remember.
I've decided that if I go to Cambodia I will make this blog public, and encourage others to read it and see great ways in which our God works. And if not, then it will remain for me, myself and I, as a testimony of God's goodness and faithfulness in my life, and as a journal, reminding me of the joy and excitement He gave me through this time.
So...without further ado...I give you my walk to Cambodia :)
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