I got off skype with Erin and sat there for a while thinking.
I realized something today Lord.
I realized I have too tight a grip on my own desires.
My first thought when Erin mentioned Cambodia was that it would get in the way of my plans for college in the States. But...my plans.
I know that it was you who gave me the desire to go to college out there, and asked me to prepare for it, and I did. I said I was open to you changing those plans, but I don't think I really was. I looked and saw it as the only way to finally get to the place I wanted to be, and got excited about actually having a career. But, I never used to be so consumed with that...with wanting a real job, a place in the world. I used to just want to be a missionary. Funny how that drifted away and seemed like such an unsavory thing to do.
So I loosened my grip Lord. And I think that I feel you moving.
Bekah and I watched a movie. I can't even remember which one, because close to the end I got this sudden tense feeling, and wanted so badly to start checking out things about Cambodia and the Water of Life center...
I'm almost scared to admit that you might be giving me a heart for this place but...I'll pray. I'm open to what you want Father. Just....lead me, but clearly. I'm useless at listening to you and not letting my own feelings get in the way.
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